Keeping Up the Losing Faith
by Simply Laraine
Summary: A day after the evil Miaka spills the dirty secret, can Nuriko still prove that HE is the man for Hotohori? Or will he walk away and give up the love he always carried within his heart? PLEASE R&R!
1. Outside

Chapter 1: Realizing the Loss

Hey again everyone!!! Here's my second fanfic (squeals). The first one, I think, was just _bleahhhhhh _so I decided to write about something you are much more familiar with. (Tatara-Suzuno??? what the hell??) But if you don't know these 2 lovers I just wrote about and are interested, well you just going to have to wait and see since lately I got writer's block. I have chapter 2 on the way…plus chapter 3 and working on chapter 4…I've been lazy and had writer's block lately. Gosh, I talk too much.

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters. Please do not sue me…(sniff)_

Standing on the terrace watching a brand new day pop up from the sky, Nuriko wondered what would his life be from now on. _A blabbermouth miko, a charming and dashing emperor, a fang boy, a dumb monk, a little kid…hmmm…what else…oh yeah, a thief and a healer…with such an annoying cat!!! Sheeesh…my life is so…cracked up???_ "Ok, Nuriko. You're freaking talking to yourself. You are freaking me out!!!" he said while raising his fist and thumping his head with it. He only stopped when his head begun to throb with pain. "Shit!"

So, the usually happy, good-ol-friend Nuriko now slumped at the canopy bed he had just slept on earlier, stared at the open terrace that was now bathed in bright orange hue, and _really _thinking over what his life would be from now on. Yesterday was exciting, if it weren't for the blabbermouth and evil Miaka spilling his dirty little secret. Now, the emperor, Hotohori, might be thinking twice about courting him, now he knows that _him _is not a _she_. Who would've thought an emperor, and a really good-looking one at that, would be interested in a purple-haired man that's not even as good looking as the emperor himself. And worse, he couldn't provide _him_ the emperor a lot of bloody heirs.

And, it's that Miaka's entire freaking fault for giving him misery. Acting like such a vixen and languishing on Hotohori, while glancing over the emperor's shoulder and telling Nuriko he's not fit for Hotohori, because the emperor needs a she not a she-wannabe. "Boy did that hurt." Nuriko groaned as he flipped over his side and recalled the other day's events. There's no turning back, now the damage has been done. It doesn't mean though that Nuriko will just stand there and be ridiculed by the world. The only way to get him out of this misery is if he faces it. He may act and pretend to be a woman, but deep inside he has a dignity and a being of a man.

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To clear his mind off a bit, Nuriko decided that a walk through the imperial gardens might relax him a bit. There's no use now dressing in those woman robes now the secret is out. "But you got to admit, they are pretty comfortable, and stylish." So he dressed up in a normal robe and braided his hair down. But no longer had he walked a few feet from the steps he met the man himself. Saihitei. The Emperor. The man he, Nuriko, had worked so hard to pretend and loved too much.

"Nice day for a walk, Your Highness." Nuriko stammered, as he tried to figure out why his voice came out as raspy, rough, and …well…a bit too…sensual. Saihitei, or as he is called, Hotohori glanced at Nuriko and assessed him with those all-too-knowing light brown eyes of his. _Such a Narcissist!!!_ Nuriko thought and tried not to shuffle his feet by the heat of Hotohori's gaze. "I often come here a lot. Don't you like the surroundings?" Obviously, this was not one of the options Nuriko had decided to visit this place. He completely forgot that the Emperor liked coming here and doing what he likes best: gazing at himself at the pond. _You are such a dumb-dumb!_

Nuriko took a step forward and looked at the scenery Hotohori had mentioned. It was beautiful enough, but not compared to the seemingly attractive emperor himself. Not to mention a great swordsman. "They are…stunning. And… original." Nuriko managed a sheepish smile as Hotohori raised an arched brow and looked at him. _Oh…so close, so close!_ At this message in his brain, Nuriko immediately stepped backward, lost his balance…

SPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Oh my god…" he shrieked as he tried to regain composure, knowing all-too-well that Hotohori is probably smiling at his idiot ness. But that changed as a gentle arm held Nuriko's hand and lifted him. That person's gentle hand also reached out and carried him ashore, where he laid Nuriko on his back and comforting him. _That feels so nice…_ Nuriko thought as he succumbed to the enveloping darkness that surrounded him.

_Author's Note: Great, huh? I'm sorry if its not really that funny, but bear with me people. Also, I would like to know: is my timeline all mushed up and cracked up, and inaccurate? I need help._

_Also, I would like to know some ideas on what chapter 5 should be on my other fanfic,_ A World Apart. _Please R&R!!!!!_


	2. Making of a Fool

Chapter 2:The Making of a Fool

People, I am really sorry (am I apologizing every time?) that I haven't updated recently. Really worried about my marks, I studied and studied. So I was busy. Anyways, thanks for those who reviewed…really appreciate it.

Happy Summer, people!

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"Get out of my way!" 

"Your Highness, this is really unnesce-"

"I said, get off my way!"

"As you wish, Your Highness."

"Bring out the blankets…and mop out the puddles!"

"Yes, Your Highness."

Hotohori swayed around to face the ancient advisor who questioned him. "Are you going to do it right away?" The advisor, so old and fragile, merely shook his head in approval. "I intend to." Hotohori didn't trust that mockery in that voice but was reminded of the wet bundle in his arms. _Nuriko_. The guy was really wet and it created big pools of water everywhere. "And it soiled His Highness' robes…" the advisor tsk-ed as he saw the young emperor walk away quickly. What puzzled him the most, is that why would the Emperor spend his time with a person that is…an…ummm…with a…oh Suzaku, he forgot the word. Okay, let's just call the person Nuriko a…another person, that had gotten the Emperor's eye. "No!" he smacked his head. That's not even a person! Nuriko is unfit, and he well knows it, for the Emperor. But would Hotohori turn his beautiful head around? The advisor didn't know for sure, but he isn't giving up yet. He needs a plan, a plan that would secure an heir _and _an empress with the Emperor. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared on top of his baldy head and the advisor smiled. _I know what just to do _the advisor chuckled evilly. "Hehehe…it won't be long 'till the Emperor got a taste of the married life. HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAhchooo! Ahchoooooo!" The advisor tried to laugh, and tried. But instead of laughing his ass off, he ended up sneezing and coughing instead.

_A few seconds later…_

"HAHAHAHAhchooooooooooooo! Okay, try that again…HAHAHAhchooooo! Why is it not working!" (doesn't give up, does he?) Fortunately, (whew!) a servant who happened to pass by the ancient advisor carrying some woolen towels, widened her eyes as she saw the advisor trying to laugh but ended up coughing instead. When the advisor tried to laugh again, this time, the servant dropped the towels she was holding and pinched her nose. Of course, the advisor took offence in that and demanded, "What do you want, servant girl?" The girl just looked at him from head to toe and replied in a disgusted manner, "For you to at least brush that stinking smell off!"

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Inside the royal chamber, Hotohori replaced one washcloth to another, as he dabbed affectionately on poor, soaking wet Nuriko's brow: lying unconscious on his bed. _His bed._ The phrase rang in his head as his body began to act like something possessed. It created a feeling deep inside him, something he couldn't urge to quiet down. That feeling had the nerve to tell his brain to _touch Nuriko. Touch him, touch him. _The Emperor now was shocked. He leaped off the bed and began to put his hands to his ears. He didn't know that it was his brain. "I am not listening…I am not listening…I am not listening to you…" he said to himself, like a sacred chant. "Not listening…not listening…whoever you are, you're crazy…" Poor Emperor, he's talking to himself.

"I'm not listening to you…I'm the Emperor, and I don't want to listen to you…You're crazy, haha…I'm not listening…" (And I thought I talk too much.)

Nuriko finally awakened to a dancing Hotohori on the foot of the bed and pretty much talking to himself. "Oh Suzaku." He whispered, staring wide-eyed at the handsomest-human going insane. As Nuriko tried to sit up, he discovered he wasn't in his original clothes anymore. These robes he had on now, were much too regal for his tastes, and much too silky. Why would anyone put these on me…then the truth hit him, hard. Hotohori had replaced the wet ones with his own, to keep him warm. Nuriko finally gave up any hope of sitting up and decided to snuggle closer to the bed. It didn't matter now that the clothes weren't to his liking, or the bed to his comfort. Just as long as the person who used the robe and the bed was…

"Hotohori?"

"Wait. That's not me." Nuriko again flipped his eyes open and saw an undignified person he doesn't want to see _ever_ again. _Oh Suzaku, tell me I'm dreaming._ He wished hopefully, but the situation had gotten out of hand and the cheeky feminine voice appeared in human form of…Miaka.

At last, Hotohori stopped his _dances with emperors_ and straightened himself to greet the woman. "Oh, Hotohori! I am so glad to see you!" Miaka greeted and rushed open-armed to Hotohori. That bastard returned the greeting with also much enthusiasm as Miaka and hugged her gratefully. "I won't stand to listen to these two babble all day." He muttered and quietly sneaked off the bed. He then tiptoed, hoping that they wouldn't notice him-

"Nuriko? What are you doing here?"

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit, damn bitch!" he cursed violently and turned around with a forced happy face. "What? Not happy to see me, dearest miko?" he asked mockingly. Obviously, Miaka didn't catch that tone. She hugged him too with much fierceness and whispered to his ear. "Are you mad at me?" _As sure as hell I am. _"If I did, I won't last that long, miko." He feigned a smile. _Can't be too careful to let her see you're planning to kill her!_ Miaka returned the smile with a sigh of relief.

Nuriko plastered a grin to his surprise-strickened face. "_What the hell was this bitch doing here? Bursting into Hotohori's bedchamber like…"_

Suddenly, the realization hit him…hard.

"Is Miaka sleeping with Hotohori?" he thought.

Indignation swept over him. _No fair! I want him to experience it first with me…until I ask Taiitsukun to change me into a woman…no fair!_

It was such a surprise that Nuriko was able to keep a simple grin to his face when his nerves were screaming to kill the miko, Miaka. At breakfast, he barely got food inside, with fear that he might burst right then and there. So, he sipped the tea instead through stuck-together teeth. While he was doing this, Nuriko watched annoyingly as Miaka gulped down every ounce of food laid out on the table without a care for manners. Hotohori only managed to get a bit or two until Miaka turned puppy-eyed on him. Nuriko rolled his eyes as he glanced at her empty plate. _THAT'S why._

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease…" Miaka begged, "it is soo good. Would you resist your miko with just ounce of carbohydrates?"

With great reluctance, Hotohori gave Miaka the noodles he was about to eat. _Okay, Nuriko, keep your cool down…_But he was already fed up. He was fed up with this whole "blah" about Hotohori giving up everything he has to save his miko. A _miko _who wouldn't choose him over Tamahome, that is! Even though he was destined to protect her, it didn't mean he would salvage his life for her!

Nuriko often wondered why wouldn't Hotohori see him, Nuriko, and spare him a single glance of affection, like what Hotohori often gives Miaka. The funny thing is, whenever this happens, Tamahome starts to get possessive and gives Hotohori the evil eye. As an emperor, he silently gives in and makes up a lame excuse to get out of the room without Miaka. Being Nuriko, he would often chase after Hotohori and act as a confidante. Couldn't they be much more?

Hothori and Miaka stopped their musings and turned to Nuriko who is now standing up with hands in his ears, looking fed up. Being Miaka, she thought it was a game…"Ooooooooooohhhh, charades! I LOVE charades! Okay, me turn!" Then, Miaka started snorting around the table . She stopped when both guys were staring at her with horror.

"You don't know? It's a pig, silly! I'm acting like a pig. Okay, next one!"

"_Oh Suzaku…"_ the embarrassed Emperor sighed when he saw Miaka scratching herself on the head and chest. He covered his eyes with his hand, then turned to Nuriko, mouthing a "let's go."

They left in silence, while Miaka scratched and scratched; that her skin turned bright pink and howled in pain.

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_Author's Note: _What do you think? Funny enough? Tell me what you think by sending in a review. 


	3. Caught in The Act

Chapter 3, Caught in the Act

Here is the third installment of my fanfic. Thanks for all those who waited, and wanted more. Well, here it is folks. (_Little Author Note: _This chapter is entirely dialogued on Hotohori's thoughts. So if you see these() those are on his mind.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of the characters' "abnormal ness".

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After that little "scene" at the table, Hotohori had left an overreacting Miaka with Nuriko. At first, Nuriko was ecstatic to have Hotohori all by himself, then as time passed, he changed his mind when Hotohori started talking nonsense about the weather. _Who cares about the weather anyway when you have the most handsome man in the whole world beside you?_ Soon thereafter, Nuriko would time and time again scowl his mouth and reply a politely "Yes, your Highness" Now, it seemed that having a perfect companion beside you was even boring than having a normal one. But it never stopped Nuriko from wanting Hotohori ---- for himself. They were strolling through the garden (the same garden he earlier fell in) and stopped by the benches to rest. After a squeaky silence, Hotohori rested his forearms on his knees and looked at a bored Nuriko, whose face was on his up drawn knees. "You're really different from anyone I've ever met." At this, Nuriko just yawned. "Of course I'm an original piece. One of a kind." Hotohori must've known that he was mentioning Miaka for he added. "You're no Miaka at all." _Of course you dumb, dumb!_ Nuriko thought _She's a pig of a female, miko and in love with Tamahome. Look at me!_ his mind tried telepathically connect with Hotohori's 

_I'm pining for you! Look at me. I'm special too!_

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Nuriko tried unsuccessfully to send silent messages to Hotohori's mind for some…7 minutes, until Hotohori got up and added cheerily. "She must be done by now," _Who's done?_ Nuriko wondered, then frowned "Oh her." He wondered for a minute if he ever was going to spend some special "quality" time with Hotohori, not worrying about some stupid miko.

Back at the table, a grumbling Miaka massaged her arms carefully over the red blotches. She later found out, much to her disappointment, that Hotohori and Nuriko had gone and left her. She was having entirely too much fun to see that her "audience" had gone. She threw the wet cloth down. _Damn! Why does that queer have to influence so much on Hotohori when everything is all about her!_

It wasn't fair. Even though she loved Tamahome, she wanted just to play along with Hotohori. It would be good to see 2 men fighting over her. She then smiled.

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Hotohori did nothing all day but listened as Miaka rambled and rambled on ways how to summon Suzaku. Sitting on his desk, Hotohori watched as the priestess and Nuriko (my dear confidante) battled with words, with Nuriko disagreeing to every suggestion Miaka requested.

"Hey, why don't we lure the god with food?"

"Gods don't expect food, they expect sacrifices!"

"But isn't giving up your piece of food a sacrifice?"

"In what way?"

"In case they're hungry."

"That's in your case!"

Hotohori just had to sigh. Obviously, Miaka isn't thinking straight at all…probably not taking her task more seriously. As Saihitei's eyes wandered on the walls, a certain painting caught his eye: a landscape of Genbu, Byakko, Seiryuu and Suzaku centered a slim priestess whose hands were holding an orb. Hotohori looked closely. For some strange reason, the priestess bore an uncanny resemblance on Miaka. During his childhood, he had heard a lot of myths and legends from his Father's counselors and advisors. One myth struck his fancy though, about one priestess who will one day summon all 4 Gods and bring power no one has seen before. Then by just glancing at Miaka one more time, an idea struck him. (It might be…just might be…)

As Hotohori prepared himself to ride his horse, he felt a hand clap his right shoulder. At first touch, Hothori might've thought it came from Tamahome but as he turned around to look at the person, he saw it none other than Nuriko

"Got a problem?"

Nuriko looked at him expectantly. He shyly glanced away, shrugging (as typical of him) . "Not much, but not too big either." But as Nuriko, he didn't believe him. He just stared at Hotohori like he was expecting something from him. Hotohori knew he couldn't stand long stares so he asked, "What do you want?"

To his surprise, Nuriko smiled. (So odd)

"I want to know what's bothering you." He softly replied back. "I want to be of help, since you're not acting you're typical self today. You're pushing me…away-"

Hotohori closed his eyes in desperation. He knew long ago that Nuriko had set his sights on him. (Not again, Suzaku)

"-besides, not to mention you're pushing away Miaka too. She's concerned you know." At that, Hotohori opened his eyes, much to Nuriko's annoyance.

"So you better speak up, Saihitei."

No one had called Hotohori by his original name before, and coming from Nuriko's lips just sounded so…right. He smiled at Nuriko's audacity.

"You sure know how to get what you want."

Nuriko blushed, lightly what the hell, was THAT? "Don't toy with me, Hotohori. I'm your confidante, remember?"

"Yes, a job's a job." He smiled. This was one of the things he had never done since childhood: to smile as you meant it. What was it with Nuriko that made him be someone he longed to be? _What was it?_

"It's just that…it's odd that Miaka closely looks like-"

"The priestess in the picture? Right ahead of you."

Hotohori blinked. None had dared to interrupt him, like what Nuriko just did. Then again, Nuriko isn't _anyone._ "You are?"

Nuriko snorted. "Sure, been thinking the same thing myself."

"Then you believe she might be the-"

"Don't push your luck, Hotohori." Nuriko warned. "She might look like it, but it's never going to come true. They're MYTHS."

_Nuriko did had a point but_, Hotohori wondered, _why Nuriko was upset that he suggested that Miaka might be the **one**_?

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Along the road, Miaka had suggested to stop a couple of times before their destination, which fed up Nuriko who turned his horse around. He then bumped into Tamahome's who was right behind him, knocking Tamahome off his horse.

"Oh Tamahome, are you alright? Aww, Nuriko! Look what you did!"

Miaka leapt off the horse she was sharing with Hotohori to tend Tamahome. Nuriko grunted. _This_ was supposed to be a quest to find the other seishi, not to take a "promenade" through the woods!

"Can't we stop? I'm tired, and Tamahome looks hurt."

"Nearly there, priestess, so please get back to your horse."

"But I don't see it!"

Nuriko glared at Miaka. "Because you're too busy whining than looking!"

That was when Hotohori took up the hint. "Why don't we all stop for the night?"

All Hotohori got was a "tsk, tsk" from Nuriko.

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Hotohori led the group to a small stream, when Nuriko complained, "HERE! Are you crazy Hotohori? There are dangers here!" That spoiled Miaka, however, replied nonchalantly "Don't you see? Hotohori is the smartest person here, and he knows whats best! Tamahome'ss hurt, I'm tired, and you don't seem to care!"

Sighing, Nuriko did a satcastic bow to the priestess. "Oh, I'm so SORRY, my miko."

He knew he can't handle one more moment with Miaka, let alone talk to her, so he went deeper into the woods to look for something to use for a campfire.

Miaka busied herself with the accommodations for the group, like the tent and food. Saihitei on the other hand, led the horses to the stream and helped Miaka with the accommodations. It looked like Miaka wasn't the only one exhausted for Tamahome had curled up inside one of the cloth tents and slept. It left Hotohori with Miaka. Alone.

Nuriko had gotten back with a much more cheerful mood. He brought back barks and sticks for the campfire, which Miaka was only too eager to set up in a tepee shape. Nuriko ALSO had the fire going, which irritated Miaka more that Nuriko could know so much, for as low as him. Nurko noticed when Miaka started complaining more than usual.

"It's too cold!"

"Here's a blanket" Hotohori gratefully offered.

Nuriko glared. "Then you're the one who's going to be cold and get cold!"

Out of frustration, Nuriko left with great reluctance. _Oh god! I'm leaving that bitch with him!_

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Miaka, happy now that Nuriko just got out of the big picture, looked at Hotohori's face from across the fire. She wasn't cold, at all. She just wanted to irritate Nuriko. With great ease, she took off the blanket and sat closer to Hotohori giving it to him instead. "Here," she started "I'm not cold anymore." Hotohori merely looked deep into her and took the blanket from her hands. To his surprise, the hands felt cold to his touch. "Yes you are."

She silently slipped her hands free and placed them over the fire. "It doesn't matter." She looked at him briefly again. "As long as you aren't."

But Hotohori refused to listen and snatched her hands from the glistening red fire. He held her delicate hands in his soft ones and began to caress them. Instead of seeing Miaka smiling in satisfaction, he saw her shaking. "Why…are…you…shaking?"

Miaka blurted, "You're tickling me!"

Hotohori felt himself smile a genuine smile that he was able to satisfy his priestess. Without thought, he tugged the hands closer that…

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_Noo….It can't be…please, tell me I'm dreaming…_ Nuriko bit back tears of sadness and displeasure as he saw Miaka and Hotohori…kissing. He watched from the shadows as the person he loved just destroyed any hope for him and Hotohori. Resentment filled over him as he slumped to his knees and cried. _Why couldn't he love me for what I'm not?_

_Author's Note:_ Umm……………………………….sorry about the last part, people……it IS supposed to be comedy with romance in it………….but it does give the story a little twist, right?


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